Ultrazone!

Yeah... it's been a while since I promised this, but here it is:

Beating small children is a great power trip for all ages! Erm... I mean beat as in beating at a video game or in a game of basketball (sadly enough, it's actually much closer to basketball than video games in this case).

Around the time that high school was drawing to a close, me, James, Kish, DeMartino, and John were all sitting in James's living room bored out of our minds. Of course, this was a Saturday, so there must've been something for all of us to do. Sadly enough (again...), we didn't get anywhere on finding exactly what to do. We were actually pretty desperate for anything.

I'm not one hundred percent sure who the hell suggested it, but about an hour after our original boredom was found, we ended up at Ultrazone. I think it's a chain, but then again I may be wrong. So, I'll just assume nobody knows what Ultrazone actually is. Simply, it's laser tag. Or lazer tag... blazer tag. Erm, yeah. Oddly enough none of us had been there in four or five years. Yet, we were there. At Ultrazone. Ready to have the time of our lives! Um, sorta.

Once I got over the fact that we were at one of the kiddiest places around, I actually started remembering all the fun times I had had there back in the day. At least two of my friends had birthday parties there, inviting like twenty kids, and there was so much to do. Actually, not really, but an arcade is good enough to entertain us during the time between games. Too bad that now they got rid of one of the best arcade games ever: House of the Dead 2. That was the game to play when we were young. You'd go to Ultrazone and immediately get in line--yup, it was that popular--to play it while your mom or dad or friend's parental unit went and got wristbands for the actual laser tag game. Then you'd play the game and get back in line afterwards. Rinse and repeat. Unfortunately, there being a line and all, some kids were forced to play other arcade games. Don't get me wrong, games like Ms. Pacman can be fun... but not like House of the Dead was.

*clears throat* right, enough reminiscing. Today, attempting to fill the void in all our hearts from missing HotD2, we like to play Time Crisis 3. It's the same sort of gig, just not as fun cause there aren't any zombies and crazy killer undead things jumping out at you. However, John's pretty good at the game, un-Johnly good. Just kinda weird since I always believed him to hate all video games, arcade games included. Guess there are some people who just hide those kinds of things.

Okay, back to the actual playing of laser tag. On that first Saturday, it wasn't too great actually. It was crowded and the little kids were too easy to beat. Plus, we only got to play two games before we called it a day (at 7 bucks a game, it gets quite pricey). But, we did remember one thing when we went there. Friday and Saturday nights, from 8 PM to 1 AM, all you have to do is pay 11 dollars and you get unlimited play. That's right, you crazy trigger-happy people can get your laser tag fix at a cheap rate for a period of five mind-numbing hours. Oh, and I say mind-numbing not in the bad "boring" way, but in the "this is so freaking awesome that I can't think of anything but laser tag for the next few hours" way. Just thought I'd be clear about it.

Mmm, but yeah, really, it was the next two weeks that we went that made Ultrazone a memorable experience. Oh! Especially... "The Apple Pie Incident." Hahahahaha, YES! That was great. But first, let's chat about the actual game.

Well, as you could probably guess by now, the next few times we went to Ultrazone, we decided to go during the 8-1 pay once period. Thing is that not just little elementary school children go during that time. Nope, there are even adults who sometimes come in big groups (a bit like the birthday party groups, but just for no reason). In other words, it means that we had some competition. I swear, some of them must have done paintball or something along those lines; they had ridiculous scores! At one point, there were these two groups that were having a war against each other. Basically, one was the Green Team, one the Red, and me, my friends, and anybody else in that round, were left to fend for ourselves on the Yellow team. That was quite challenging, but fun. (Yeah, that means we lost every round -_-)

I learned one lesson from all of this. Two really. 1. The strangest people go to Ultrazone during the all-you-can-play time. And 2. Never let DeMartino have some vending machine apple pie and then play laser tag. Never.

Number one is explained quite simply--okay, this one time there was a group of like thirty people. ... that's obviously not the strange part. This is a group of adults, probably 25+, who were all dressed like... I really don't know how to explain it. Something like... goth? Avril Lavignes? Basically, they were all in black, had punk-ish get ups, and some had ties and top hats. So weird, but cool at the same time. But, there's more! They were also ridiculously loud--they made the day crowd, which consisted of hyped-up kids, sound quiet--and told some of the worst jokes. "So there were three tomatoes..."

Onto number two. I leave this last because it was so freaking crazy and seemingly out of nowhere. I'd say that in between the second and third game (on a good night we'd get through six or seven games) DeMartino told us he was hungry and proceeded to the nearest vending machine. He bought, as I have mentioned, a pre-packaged apple pie and a Pepsi. He devoured the two ravenously and we continued on our merry way to making kids there cry and watching peeps suck at arcade games. Things were as normal as ever until we ended up leaving. By that point (1 AM mind you), me and Kish were hungry so we planned on getting something from the Taco Bell right outside. On our walk over to the car, DeMar suddenly began burping... violently. This was followed by his complaint of, "I don't feel too good guys." Geez, we had no clue (sarcasm intended).

I can't vouch for John or Kish, but I've never met anyone else who goes in a frenzy like that when sick to their stomach. DeMar was jumping in the back of Kish's pickup and off while we were moving and screaming and just being obnoxious overall. At one point he even opens the passenger door while we're driving down a road at 50 miles an hour. Of course we all yelled at him instantly to shut the door, especially since we thought we'd just seen a cop drive by. However, about two minutes after this incident, he was fast asleep. Just like that, sleeping like a baby. He went from bouncing off the walls and almost throwing up in Kish's car to resting quietly. Now, though multiple analogies were given, I think John had one of the best: "He was like a candle just before going out." Sorta makes you think.

So yes, that will forever be known as "The Apple Pie Incident" and forever be stuck in all of our memories. Just remember kids, never eat vending machine apple pie; I mean, it could've been there for years by the time you get it!