It Was Bound to Happen

Sooner or later, I would assume that every teenage(-ish) boy talks about this topic. I'd say that, although I do think about this quite often, it's not my fault that I'm bringing it up. Ideally we wouldn't even stray anywhere near this, but, of course, life throws us curve balls all of the time. What is it this time? Well, it all comes down to this: a 13-year-old girl recently admitted that she loved me.

Love. What a fickle word (is that even the right term? *checks* Mmmm, close enough). It has a million meanings in a world where our feelings are vague and where we can be vague in attempting to explain them. And all of this ambiguity is worsened by the fact that many words, love included, are context-specific. As such they can be easily misinterpreted anytime you're not talking to someone in person--thus you are capable of seeing their facial expressions and hearing the intonation in their voice and so on. Obviously the worst case scenario would be speaking to someone about the topic over the internet. ... which is exactly how this happened. But more on that later!

First, I'mma start with my track record. It is probably one of the shortest and worst--statistically that is--you will ever see. It's actually summed up in about one sentence. And no, it's not a run-on:

I have only asked out one girl before, and she said no.

Now that I think about it, I really could've put that more eloquently >.>;; oh well.

Yup, it is literally that bad. But I'm not gonna blame it on bad luck or on me being a total wuss (even if both of those do play some part in this whole thing). Instead, I work to improve my condition--not to mention that record there. To do that I'll summarize what's been going on. Hmm, while I'm not one to get too personal on something like this, I feel like I can't get to my point (er, what was my point?) without doing so in this case. So just buckle in. And if you really want to, you can stop reading. But if you don't, just to inform you, this is about as emo as I'll get.

Let's start with all those "crushes." My first one (and dare I say last?) was in 8th grade. But I was still a kid and she moved by the end of the year, so nothing happened. Then there were a few girls in high school, but none of them were at all serious. Eventually, in 11th grade, my first cursh moved back to Ashburn and so did my crush on her. That didn't really work as in the end of the year I asked her to prom and got a prompt-ish no. So much for that. Thus high school closed and last summer came. Fun huh?

On that trip to Europe I got a crush on one of the girls on the trip. I didn't know her too well before and, considering that she would still be in high school the upcoming year, I decided not to act on it. But, she began growing on me and eventually I changed my mind... a little too late. Actually, what I wanted didn't matter in this situation. In the end she liked someone else and that someone liked her back. Oops.

I spiraled into emo faster than you could say "Damnit! I'm out of emoflakes!" Thankfully that only lasted a week because one week later I found myself in the Caribbean thousands of miles away from my own internal drama.

In Puerto Rico that week was where I found my closest thing to love ever (or better put... my first good friend who happens to be a girl?). Literally the fastest friend I've ever made from the first call to those precious few hours we spent together in person both for the first and, as of now, last time. After I left we've kept in contact, but obviously it will never happen. And, although I never had a crush on her per se, those what if's never stop from crossing the mind.

Here at Tech I am constantly trying to meet new people. This includes, but is not limited to, friends. Yup, friends. In my time I've made many guy friends and no girl friends whatsoever. Bummer, no? Maybe one day, but it took me four years of high school to learn how to make any friends, let's just hope that it doesn't take me that long again. Now onto more important matters!

And we shall end where I started this. I met her (the 13-year-old) a few days before I graduated from high school. She and her sister (15) had just recently moved from Columbia to Puerto Rico and was living on the first floor of my grandma's house. Being new in town, the two of them had no friends yet and would not start school for a few months, thus my dad decided to invite them to my graduation since my grandma was already coming. To save money he also went ahead and had them stay over at our house for the duration--two whole weeks. I didn't really mind, though; in a few days I would be graduating then heading out to Europe to have the time of my life (well, that was before PR, but it was great when it happened).

But things weren't that simple. The two girls (out of loneliness? Boredom?) wanted to chat with me and often asked me what I was up to while I read--it's about all I did at home during that time. So I talked to them and we chatted in my room and such, but it was always kinda awkward since I didn't know them and since I still don't know Spanish too well. Yet, things went along fine, I graduated, went to Europe, end of story. ... but not really.

Sure, I did chat with the two online from time to time but never really got to know them (same distance problem again). Still, you can imagine my surprise--actually, half-surprise--when the younger one said she "loved" me. Of course it was over the internet, and it was me trying to figure out if she meant she liked me or (stealing from Hey Arnold here) liked me liked me. Yeah, turned out to be the latter and I was extremely... flattered? Iono, quite an awkward situation to be in. Thing is that I was half-expecting it; I sorta forced it out of her. The few times that I was around her, she seemed shy and, well, acted nervous. I had a feeling, but was never sure--it's never happened to me before. Oh well, go figure. Just my luck, neh?

That's about it. So when I look back on this, I can't help but feel frustrated and extremely out of luck when it comes to these types of situations. Yeah sure, I don't have ridiculous drama in my life, but I sure do have some of the most messed up stories to tell. Ugh, I just wonder why I can't find anybody who lives close to me and is around my age. ... -_- and I know what you're thinking. Even if I look 13 I'm not!

Please excuse me for the following statement:
God damn that was long.