Finding Freedom (cont.)

Held on long enough? Good.

Saturday night, after watching Pan's Labyrinth with my parents, I did something highly uncharacteristically of me. Instead of staying home and going to bed early, I decided to--get ready to gasp here--take the initiative! *insert gasps* Yeah, that's right.

I was home and wanted to do something. I knew I would be home a few nights earlier, so I thought, why don't I find something to do? Thus, I did. Friday evening I had a chat with Maureen and decided that I would go and visit her over at American University (which for you non-Northern VA people, is in Washington, DC (which for you non-Northern VA people, is about forty minutes away from my home)). Originally she invited me to go to a party of sorts but in the end she never heard from her friend(s?) that was holding it. So instead I just went over and we hung--I got a grand tour of the tiny (in comparison to Tech's) campus. Twas fun and much better than staying at home doing nothing.

Mmmm, that was ridiculously vague. Oh well. I had a point to bringing this up... *thinks... hard-er* Ohhhh! I got it.

Right, so I was taking initiative. I almost feel kind of bad for lying so horridly that night. In my head I had had the whole thing planned for days--which is funny cause the whole thing wasn't planned until Saturday at like 10 PM--so I was forced to adapt to the situation. I went with my parents to the car show so that they'd be a little more lenient with me (although I'll admit I had fun) and I obviously talked to Maureen and told her that I was bored because I wanted to go visit. ... I feel manipulative >.< Unh, things can never be natural when it comes to social situations for me. Go go suckiness at life!

Erm, back on topic. I told my parents that I was going to stay at Alex's (Berserk's) house cause 1. they didn't know him and 2. he lived relatively close. Instead of a fifteen minute car ride, though, I went to DC, a 45 minute ride. No worries, I planned ahead. Had the gas, had directions, hell, it's like everything went exactly as I had planned it. I dunno, it was very strange. I had fun but.. I'm not sure how to describe it. Sadly enough, I don't really remember that night. No, no alcohol involved. Just, eh, thoughts for another day.

What does this have to do with finding freedom? Hell if I know, but for years I have not lived. I'm not even sure if I'm living right now. First it was Sahil whom I lived through(?) and now it's John who I live with. I'm not my own person, and that's what I want to be nowadays. I want to have friends who like me for who I am--honestly, there are maybe two or three people who know me--and at least a love interest or two. Heh, to be 18 and never made out... wait, that's me!

I'll figure things out one day. If not, well... shit. I don't know. I try not to think, it helps reduce the stress.